Crippled

Quite frankly, I feel like I've been stuck between a rock and hard place the last few weeks, with all the ups and downs that have unfolded before me. It's now gone to a point where I feel immobilized (literally) and totally unmotivated to do anything. I've skipped classes so far simply because I preferred to languish in my solitary apartment. My Lenten sacrifices haven't been going well since I've embraced sloth and made laziness my best friend. When I did go out, all I saw were weary, tired faces of people on the streets, going through daily motions dully, hopelessly resigned to whatever lot was thrown into their lives. I, myself, wondered what the heck was I doing with my life.

At the same time, I've been coming to grips with the hidden anger I've been harboring against my family for years, particularly my dad. It's been rearing its ugly head for a while now but the past few weeks have also been illuminating in terms of the repercussions I live with daily because of that anger I didn't know existed until last month.

And then I saw The Human Experience. It was one of those movies where I saw it exactly when I needed to see it. I mean, I heard about this movie for years and all the rave reviews that went with it. But after weeks of witnessing some of the more baser aspects of humanity, this movie renewed in me that hope I've been desperately clinging onto. The possibility of experiencing joy despite suffering and pain. The importance of that human connection one makes that today's Blackberrys and emails and social networking sites can't quite capture.

Once again, it's time for me to change.