Anticipation & an Urge

Perhaps it's because I am in the midst of a very long winter break that I have this urge to write.... but I don't know what to write about. I would very much like to write a story one day that can somehow encompass my life experiences in some kind of fantastical way, but I have no inspiration. I tried picking up a story I was in the middle of writing years and years ago, and found that the sentiment that drove that story has long gone and I can no longer connect with the characters I had painstakingly created.

With that said, I wonder if this urge to write is more of an indication that I should start keeping a journal of my spiritual life. This blog isn't really the greatest of mediums anymore, mainly because I no longer wear my thoughts on my sleeve for everyone to see. It's not like the old Xanga days where I just write whatever the heck is on my mind.

There are winds blowing in my life right now, winds that stir smoldering embers in my heart, kicking up dust and maybe even clearing the fog. At least, I hope it'll clear away this mist. It's hard for me to build a routine that I can stick with every day. I want to incorporate some kind of exercise regimen, eat healthy, pray regularly, all that jazz. The idea of sticking to a schedule and following it automatically has a certain amount of appeal for me but I can't seem to get myself motivated enough to commit to such a thing.

I truly wonder what God has in store for me. I'm already on my toes, on high alert for what this semester is supposed to bring. Upcoming circumstances make me suspicious, and I find myself scanning the darkness for that thief in the night, double-checking my oil to make sure I have enough to light when HE comes. I pray for the grace to be ready. I pray for the grace to act. I pray for the grace to follow through and start what HE will finish.